I have a problem. A huge problem. I have trust issues. I do not trust anyone and I have to say it is affecting my life in a huge way. I am afraid of people. It started when I was a little girl, with my father. Being the daughter of an alcoholic was a harrowing experience. He was mean, rude, and condescending. He rarely gave compliments. When he did, he would curse me and laugh. I never felt loved or appreciated.
All of my relationships with males have ended abruptly because of these trust issues that I still harbor. I cannot seem to recognize when someone (a male) is being sincere. I cannot take compliments as fact. I always think there is a motive behind the words. I have found that I think too much, and that may be true. I tend to seek verbal affirmation or need to hear that I am worthy. I need to know that the person I care about still loves me. I need to hear those words everyday. Is that bad?
Does this seem that I am weak or fragile? I wish I knew. I am approaching 60 and sometimes I feel like the little girl I left behind all those years ago. Maybe someday I will grow up…..